Are You Okay With Losing?
Your loss is your loss.
Lately, I have been a bit skeptical about what losing means to me and how I react to it. I mean, losing happens all the time but I’m not talking about a final score in a game, rather I am talking about losing at things in your daily life.
I’ve been really interested in studying the lives of successful people such as Gary Vaynerchuck, Tom Bilyeu, Ed Mylett and many others. They all speak about losses.
For example, Gary is big in making losing a common narrative. He states that his loss is his loss and no one can judge him on that.
Now, I know that Gary’s content can get skewed a bit, but let’s remember his main context is about self-awareness. He wants you to be okay with losing and understand that it doesn’t matter what others say about it.
Like I mentioned before, I have been failing a lot lately in my daily life. I haven’t been working out, my emotional intelligence (EQ) has been fairly low, and I haven’t been the best person to be around with.
I am aware of these things and I am not failing miserably, but I know that I need to improve them so I can have a more fulfilling life and also positively influence those around me.
What are You Trying to Say, Luis?
So this post is more about how I deal with losses. I mentioned a few things that I’ve been failing at, but I want to share more about how I deal with a loss and what it means to me.
I want to use the example of my low EQ. EQ means how well you can manage your emotions within relationships with those around you.
Lately, my emotions have been all over the place and I have allowed them to determine my actions with those around me.
For example, just the other day, I was talking to my mom about a few things that were frustrating me and consuming me lately. I talked about how I felt about not seeing results as I expected especially with the amount of work I was putting in. Of course, her being the best mom ever, she just encouraged me to keep at it and made me some food. 😅
However, once I zoomed out of the situation, I just realized that it was uncertainty that was bothering me and it was very premature for me to think that I should have results this early. I was also neglecting the gratitude I did have for the small accomplishments I was getting.
That being said, I realized that it was hard for me to lose. It’s always been in me. I look back as a child, I have always been competitive and hated losing.
Did I get B on a test? I lost. We didn’t win our soccer game? Another loss. My girlfriend would get mad at me? Racked in another loss.
I hated losing.
Ok, What are You Really Trying to Say, Luis?
I know I dragged on but all that being said, I realized that losing is inevitable and it’s going to happen. I want to make it clear too: I am not here to say, “I never lose, I just gain lessons.”
It’s more than that. Losing will happen.
However, losing is the real sauce. Once I realized this and got comfortable with it, I embrace losing and try not to shy away from it.
I know the reason behind this post is because I have been losing a lot and have let my low EQ dictate my actions, but with the ability to zoom out and analyze what I can do better, thanks to the loss, I can come up a lot more aware and seasoned for what’s to come.
I do not condone consistent loss if it’s the same mistake. I do agree that you have to lose in order to win and the faster you lose, the faster you learn.
I just don’t want to make it seem that one should lose consistently doing the same mistake.
Lose, then run with it to make you better at the skill that you are trying to develop.
Let’s See What Others Have to Say!
I took the question, “do you like losing?” and posted a poll on my Instagram (@_lfaustoo) and received a total of 64% yes’ and 36% no’s.
This was interesting to me because I was assuming more would say no. However, we all know that assumptions lead to a terrible sense of judgment.
I went ahead and took this and asked 3 different people for more input.
I wanted to see their thought process on what losing means to them. Here are their responses.
Omar Diaz Vasquez (@odv7) — San Jose, CA (NO)
The way I look at it when I lose at stuff, I usually get pretty upset, but that doesn’t help me at all. I don’t gain from it and it probably just stresses me out more. If I can learn from what I did wrong instead, it is a lot more useful
I can agree with this one due to the fact that although you are not okay with losing, you have to shift your perspective to use it to your advantage, and counterintuitively, win. He provided an example for context:
The example that comes to mind is when I play soccer. My team had lost 2 championships in a row.
The first one I got super upset. The second one, we were closer to winning and I didn’t get upset because I was with the homies and having fun, but also because I was focusing more on what we needed to get over the hump and win a championship and this season we won it.
I love this example because it can be translated to different parts of life. In this case, it was a soccer tournament, but if we take the lesson Omar provided, we can leverage our life in any way.
Luke Lewis (@lukelewiss)— Hollister, CA (NO)
I saw that friend of mine that I graduated with responded no to this as well. I wanted to get more from him. This was his response:
I know it’s not a simple yes or no answer but I’m not ok with repeatedly losing by making the same mistakes. Losing is part of life and that’s how we learn some of the best lessons and grow from them.
Again, I agree with his point. It would be insanity if we thought that we can come out winning doing the same mistake. I wanted some more context to his answer and he provided a good example. Here it is:
I always tell my volleyball kids it’s not about you making a mistake.
I want to see how you respond to the mistake.
Are you going to make the same mistake? Are you going to pout because you made a mistake? Are you going to learn from it and make it better?
This was spot on. I think rather than bashing someone for their mistake, questions like these need to be asked. In my opinion, this sets a higher standard for an individual. The response to losing is key.
Take the loss, learn from it, then go win.
Ernesto Guerrero — Salinas, CA (YES)
Ernesto was part of the 64% that answered yes. He is a barber from Salinas, CA so I thought it would be good to get his insight since he works a lot with clients. Here is his response:
I try my best to not allow any losses, but sometimes the plan doesn’t fall in place like I think it should.
Also, something really important is that you have to have a positive mindset no matter what your loss is in order to keep moving and later, when you look back, it’ll just be a learning experience.
Ernesto gives the example of perspective and knowing that sometimes, the plan doesn't go as imagined. This can be due to different factors. However, it is the perspective that keeps you focused.
The foundation of success lies in the loss. I can see why he has a consistent and loyal list of clients; probably because of his growth mindset!
The Takeaway: Lose, then go WIN!
As you can see, it really comes down to perspective. I know you may have heard that plenty of times and I know how difficult it can be to apply.
I would suggest to just embrace the loss first. Do not sit and dwell. Analyze the problem and start focusing on the solution.
Create a solution based mindset by embracing the loss.
After all, your loss is your loss and no one can tell you differently.
